It took me a very long time to allow me to look at myself as an artist. Too deeply engraved was the fear of being a meaningless starving nothing in this society. Even though it turned out that it is extremely hard to make money in art, I discovered another truth. A far more deeper and meaningful way of looking at things.
When I received my very first camera at the age of 10 I was excited beyond description. For as long as I can remember I have loved to listen to stories. In my mind I was already seeing all the wonderful stories that I would now turn into photos. After receiving the first prints that feeling changed quickly into nothing but disappointment. Holding the pictures in my hands I couldn't find the story that my heart had seen. Instead my cheap little point and shoot had captured a brief moment in time from the worst possible angle. The little village celebration that I had tried to capture, looked like a population of ants size wise and the joy that we all had felt that day? Nothing, not a single trace of it in my pictures. Over the years I tried a lot to get better pictures. I got a new camera, a better lens, I traveled to new locations, I tried prettier objects, but nothing seemed to help. Eventually I even figured out how to use my camera in manual mode. And yes, my pictures now looked a little better. But still, I couldn't find my heart in it. Far worse, I wasn't even aware of what it was that I was missing. I felt so lost.
But then something amazing happened. I attended ClickAway, my very first conference for photographers. Yes, you heard me right. Me, the amateur with the expensive camera at that conference. It was actually as intimidating as it sounds. The level of creativity and professionalism almost made go back home and burry my camera for good. The only reason I stayed was the fact that I couldn't get on another flight back home. So I hung in there until the very last night. And how lucky I was that I did.
That night I made my very first photographer friend - Lucy. We clicked instantly and with her support I gained hope, eventually confidence and most importantly many more very talented friends.